Stultus

Recently, as I turned older, I tend to forget about small things that made me easily happy before. 

Meticulous things like a blue sky, a huge tree that gives me shadow on a very hot day, the smile of people I love, and amazing me-time. 

I tend to see the negative side more as I analyze everything or just simply pass it through without any consideration. More likely the second one. But in several cases, I eager to do self critics about everything I have done or have not done. Like the t-shirt I wore yesterday, or the makeup choose to wear today. Or the love I chose four years ago. Regrets, they are coming over more often now. 

Is it the part of growing up? Such as anxiety and insecurity? 

Hard to believe I have come this far with all the stuff inside my head. 

The only hope and help I got were people around me and people I met. for a short time or longer one. They teach me, also inspire me. Even if you regret something, regret it because you did it. It will be so much better because you chose to do it, therefore you are really responsible for the result. Compared to whining over something you haven't do in the past, you will think about "what if" in eternity. Is it make sense for you? 

I am not sure, but it is kind of the mechanism I use to be okay with every mistake and flaw I made so far. All good and bad decision. I can't do anything about something that already happened, but I can definitely do something about how I feel about it. And that's all I need to care about. 

I wish anyone who reads

Ciao.